4 Ways to Improve Self Esteem When You Have Depression
Depression and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. While low self-esteem leaves people vulnerable to depression, depression can absolutely destroy self-esteem.
But, though low self-esteem may be deeply rooted, there are things you can do to improve it, even if you are suffering from depression.
1. Start Your Day with Creating ‘Beauty’ and Self Care
It’s important you start each day with experiencing i) the beautiful and ii) self-care. Doing so will help your mind to habitually recognize beauty, especially the beautiful in yourself. So, surround yourself with self care and beauty in the form of music, books, calendars, computer wallpaper, etc. You can even sign up to a service that will send you funny memes or cute animal videos each day. Feeling good at the beginning of the day will set a tone and help you feel positive throughout.
2. Analyze and Correct Negative Thinking
Negative thinking is the catalyst for both low self-esteem and depression. The more one thinks negatively, the less able they are to see themselves and the world around them in an accurate light. Soon, the negative thoughts are on a loop like an old record that keeps skipping, causing the same lyric to play over and over again.
The first thing that is needed is the ability to analyze your own thoughts. When a self-critical thought occurs, ask yourself three questions:
- Is there any evidence to support this thinking?
- Would people that know me say that my thought is true?
- Does having this thought make me feel good or bad about myself?
Once you realize there is no evidence to support your thought, that your friends and family would disagree with your thought, and that your thought makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s time to replace that thought. Not with a vague affirmation, but with factual and meaningful self-statements.
For example, perhaps you have taken on a project at work, and currently you find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Your thoughts may currently sound like, “Why did I say I could handle this? I never finish things on time.” You will now replace that thought with a neutral or positive factual thought, something simple like, “I’m doing better at this job everyday and am continuing to make progress.”
Healthy self-esteem is not about being perfect or thinking you’re perfect when you’re not. No one is. A healthy self-esteem is about acknowledging your strengths and accepting your weaknesses and realizing you’re like everyone else – human and beautifully flawed.
3. Treat Yourself Well
Though you may feel you don’t deserve it, by treating yourself and engaging in self care (including gentle inner dialogue), you will send positive messages to your subconscious mind that you ARE worth it. Also consider taking yourself out to a nice lunch, buy yourself that sweater you’ve been eyeing, or go get a relaxing massage. You don’t even have to spend money; show yourself you’re worth it by spending time reading a book, going for a walk in nature, or doing anything that inspires you.
4. Seek Positive Support
You want to surround yourself with people who celebrate your strengths, not your weaknesses. This can include seeking the positive support of a therapist who can work with you on analyzing and replacing negative thought patterns. When we don’t have an accurate self-perception, it can help to get a new perspective from an objective third party.
Increasing your self-esteem isn’t easy, but if you practice these tips, you will be able to chip away at the negative self-talk every day.
Need help with your self-esteem? If you are interested in exploring treatment, please contact me. You can book an online session here and we can explore a path forward.
Rebecca Steele, MA, MSW, RSW is an individual therapist offering psychotherapy and counselling services in downtown Kitchener.
She specializes in providing 1:1 individual therapy services to women who may be experiencing anxiety (eg. general anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, phobias, anxious attachment style, or ocd), depression, trauma, emptiness, personal boundary concerns, low self esteem, or relationship concerns.
Rebecca offers a variety of psychotherapy treatment approaches including: emotion focused therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt, dbt), psychoanalysis and Jungian approaches, clinical counselling hypnotherapy, mindfulness therapy, exploration of archetypes, and dream interpretation & analysis. Her therapy approach is called Smart Therapy™: Insight-Driven Depth Therapy
Click here to learn more about her online Kitchener counselling practice!