This is one of the most common — and least talked about — fears people carry when they consider therapy.
“What if I book the appointment… and then I just sit there?”
“What if my mind goes blank?”
“What if I don’t even know where to start?”
For many people, the fear of not knowing what to say is actually the thing that delays them from getting support for years.
And here’s the quiet truth underneath it:
This fear usually isn’t about conversation skills.
It’s about vulnerability.
It’s about safety.
It’s about shame.
It’s about the nervous system asking, Is it really okay for me to be seen?
Let’s talk about what actually happens, and why this concern makes so much sense.
Not Knowing What to Say Is Often a Nervous System Response
If you’re new to therapy, you’re walking into something unfamiliar, personal, and emotionally exposed, even if you want support.
The body doesn’t always register “help.”
Sometimes it registers risk.
So the freeze response can show up as:
• “My mind goes blank.”
• “I don’t know what’s important.”
• “I don’t know where to start.”
• “I feel silly for even coming.”
That’s not a flaw.
That’s a nervous system that learned, at some point, that being open was unsafe, confusing, or overwhelming.
Therapy doesn’t start with perfect words.
It starts with your body learning that this is a different kind of space.
You Are Not Expected to Perform in Therapy
You do not need to:
• Know your story in advance
• Have a list prepared
• Be emotionally articulate
• Share everything
• Go into anything you’re not ready for
You are allowed to say:
“I don’t know what to talk about.”
“I don’t even know what I need.”
“I feel weird being here.”
“I’m nervous.”
Those are therapy material.
And a good therapist knows how to meet you exactly there.
You Probably Have More to Talk About Than You Think
Many people assume they need a single, dramatic “reason” to justify therapy.
But therapy is built from patterns, not just crises.
You might end up exploring things like:
• Your stress patterns
• Your relationship dynamics
• Your inner dialogue
• Your exhaustion
• Your people-pleasing
• Your boundaries
• Your emotional numbness
• Your anxiety loops
• Your sense of identity
• Your fears about the future
• Your difficulty resting
• Your shame
• Your anger
• Your grief
• Your loneliness
• Your dreams (both sleeping and waking)
And you don’t need to know which door to open — your therapist can help you find them.
What the First Session Usually Looks Like
The first session is not a deep emotional interrogation.
It’s more like orientation.
We’re learning about:
• Your lifestyle
• Your living situation
• Your work or school life
• Your relationships
• Your stress levels
• Your coping strategies
• What has felt hard lately
• What you hope therapy might support
• What you’ve already tried
• What has and hasn’t helped
It’s about building the container for the work, not forcing vulnerability.
My Approach: Insight or Emotional Support, You Choose the Tone
In my practice, the first few sessions are gently guided so we can build a shared framework.
If you’re someone who wants insight, language, and pattern-understanding, we may explore:
• Schema Therapy
• Attachment patterns
• Personality frameworks
• Emotional patterns and protective strategies
This helps you understand why you feel the way you do — not just how to cope with it.
If you’re someone who primarily wants emotional support, safety, and nervous system stabilization, I lean more heavily into:
• Emotion-Focused approaches
• Nervous system regulation
• Emotional processing
• Compassion-based work
• Stabilization and support
We don’t need to analyze anything you’re not ready for.
You’re not required to want insight.
You’re not required to want depth.
You’re not required to want change at a certain pace.
We build what fits you.
If You Get Stuck That’s Totally Okay
If your mind goes blank, I can prompt.
If you don’t know what’s important, we can explore.
If you feel awkward, that’s normal.
If you’re quiet, we can sit gently with that.
You’re not responsible for carrying the session.
You’re not “doing therapy wrong.”
This is a relational space, not a performance.
Give One Session a Chance
You don’t need to decide your entire healing journey today.
Just try one session.
Come as you are.
Bring your confusion.
Bring your fear.
Bring your numbness.
Bring your uncertainty.
You might be surprised what begins to unfold when your nervous system finally realizes:
I’m not in trouble here.
I’m not being judged.
I don’t have to do this alone.
And that (quietly, gently) is where therapy actually begins.
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Meet Rebecca Steele, Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist (MA, MSW, RSW, CCC)
Rebecca is a Waterloo-based trauma therapist offering virtual counselling across Ontario. With over a decade of experience, she helps adults navigate trauma, anxiety, OCD, and self-esteem. Her insight-driven depth therapy approach supports self-understanding, emotional healing, and lasting change. Book an appointment or learn more about her online therapy services. Located outside Ontario? You can explore Rebecca’s coaching and consulting offerings here.
