Updated February 2026
As we move through different seasons of life, many people find that relationship anxiety becomes harder to ignore—especially patterns rooted in anxious attachment.
If you often worry about being abandoned, feel preoccupied with how others feel about you, or notice that relationships trigger intense self-doubt, working with a therapist for anxious attachment style can be an important step toward understanding what’s happening beneath the surface.
Anxious attachment develops early in life, often in response to inconsistent emotional availability in our closest relationships. While these patterns once helped us stay connected, they can continue shaping how we relate to others long after the original circumstances have passed.
We’ll explore what anxious attachment is, how it shapes your inner world and relationships, and how individual therapy can support the development of a more secure, grounded sense of self.
For a deeper exploration of emotional deprivation and long-standing abandonment wounds, you may also want to explore our guide on the emotional orphan archetype.
Understanding Anxious Attachment in Relationships
Anxious attachment is characterized by a deep fear of abandonment and a strong desire for closeness, reassurance, and emotional availability in relationships.
People with an anxious attachment style often carry an internal belief that others are inherently okay, while they themselves are somehow lacking. The inner narrative can sound like:
If I can be more lovable, more accommodating, less needy, then I’ll finally be chosen.
Over time, this belief system can lead to patterns of self-abandonment, over-functioning in relationships, and a constant search for external validation—all of which quietly erode a sense of inherent self-worth.
In contrast, people with avoidant attachment often hold the opposite belief: I’m fine—others are the problem. While these two styles appear very different, they frequently find themselves drawn to one another, creating push-pull dynamics that feel both intoxicating and painful.
How a Therapist Can Help with Anxious Attachment Style
Working with a therapist for anxious attachment style isn’t about fixing you or teaching you how to be less emotional. It’s about understanding why your nervous system responds the way it does in close relationships—and learning how to build safety from within.
In individual therapy, anxious attachment is explored gently and at your pace. Rather than focusing only on surface behaviors, therapy helps uncover the deeper emotional beliefs driving anxiety, such as fears of abandonment, unworthiness, or being “too much.”
Therapy can support you in:
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developing a more secure relationship with yourself
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reducing emotional reactivity in relationships
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learning to tolerate uncertainty without self-abandoning
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building trust in your own needs, boundaries, and perceptions
Over time, this work allows relationships to feel less consuming and more reciprocal—guided by choice rather than fear.
Breaking Free from Anxious Attachment Patterns in Therapy
Recognizing anxious attachment is the first step toward change. In therapy, insight is paired with emotional support to help these patterns soften rather than simply being managed.
Some areas we often explore include:
Challenging the Narrative
Anxious attachment thrives on the belief that love must be earned. Therapy helps gently question this narrative and develop a more compassionate, realistic understanding of your worth.
Building Self-Trust
Anxiety in relationships often reflects a lack of trust in one’s own emotional resilience. Therapy supports the development of inner steadiness—so connection no longer feels like something that could vanish at any moment.
Regulating Emotional Overwhelm
Relationship anxiety can feel all-consuming. Learning to regulate emotional intensity helps create space between feeling triggered and reacting, allowing for more grounded responses.
Communicating Needs Without Over-Explaining
Many people with anxious attachment either suppress their needs or over-justify them. Therapy provides a safe place to practice expressing needs clearly and confidently, without fear of rejection.
Anxious Attachment and the Emotional Orphan Archetype
Many individuals with anxious attachment resonate strongly with the emotional orphan archetype—a pattern shaped by early experiences of emotional inconsistency, misattunement, or unmet needs.
This doesn’t always involve overt neglect. Often, it looks like growing up feeling emotionally alone, needing to adapt quickly to others’ moods, or learning not to rely too much on anyone.
For someone with an anxious attachment style, this can lead to a lifelong longing for reassurance and closeness, alongside a deep fear of being left. Therapy that acknowledges both attachment patterns and archetypal themes helps shift the focus from self-blame to self-understanding, allowing old wounds to be named and gently tended to.
How Individual Therapy Supports Secure Attachment
While couples therapy can be helpful for some, individual therapy offers a powerful space to work with anxious attachment directly—especially when your goal is to feel more secure regardless of relationship status.
Through consistent, attuned therapeutic work, many people begin to experience:
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increased emotional stability
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greater self-compassion
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clearer boundaries
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a reduced sense of urgency around relationships
Security isn’t something you wait for someone else to provide—it’s something that can be cultivated internally over time.
How Smart Therapy Can Support You
While I don’t currently offer couples therapy, I specialize in working with individuals who want to understand and shift anxious attachment patterns in their relationships.
My approach is insight-driven and depth-oriented, helping you explore the emotional roots of anxiety while building practical tools for self-trust and regulation. Therapy becomes a place where your experiences are met with consistency, care, and understanding.
If you’re looking for a therapist for anxious attachment style and want to explore these patterns in a supportive, one-on-one setting, you’re welcome to reach out and book a time for us to connect.
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Meet Rebecca Steele, Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist
Rebecca Steele is a Waterloo-based therapist providing trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, and counselling services virtually in Kitchener-Waterloo and across Ontario. With over a decade of experience as a therapist, she offers individualized, one-on-one therapy that is direct, compassionate, and deeply attuned to the complexities of the human experience. Her work supports adults navigating depression, trauma, grief, major life transitions, boundary challenges, low self-esteem, relationship stress, and a range of anxiety-related struggles—including generalized anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, phobias, anxious attachment, and OCD. She aims to create a safe space where clients can confront the roots of their struggles, engage in meaningful self-exploration, and develop strategies for lasting change.
Book an appointment or learn more about her online therapy services. Located outside Ontario? You can explore Rebecca’s coaching and consulting offerings here.
